Nobody's Perfect
by Yaoi Twins Of Yin and Yang
Summary: Song Fic. After Deidara ruined Itachi's life he decides to make things right! With a little help from his friends Hidan and Sasori, will he find true love with Itachi or totally make things worse. Hilarity insured. A bit spazy though.
1. The Problem and The Plan

**A/N: Total lack of inspiration, getting over the flu, and having a Hannah Montana song stuck in my mind created this. Don't worry I'll post a new chapter to just about everything else soon. Song Fic!**

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 1 The Problem and The Plan

"Deidara I'm never speaking to you ever again," Itachi said and while walking out of the room. "Itachi wait, un!" Deidara cried. But it was useless because this only cause Itachi to walk faster. "

I can't believe I just did that," Deidara said sullenly."Now he'll never know how I feel, un." "So you're just gonna giver up?" Sasori asked appearing out of nowhere.

"But danna," Deidara said. "He said he's never speaking to me ever again. It's hopeless, un." "As a wise girl once said," Sasori said. "Nobodies perfect. I gotta work it. Again and again 'til I get it right.' Are you just gonna sit there and be mopey, or are you gonna fix things and win his love?"

"But how, un?" Deidara asked. "I really messed things up this time." "What did you fucking do anyway?" Hidan asked appearing out of nowhere.

"Well," Deidara said. "I broke his mirror, helped Sasuke in his plan to kill him, lost his cat, fucked Kisame, ate his strawberry yogurt, used up the rest of his favorite nail polish, broke his Metro Station cd, and revealed his deepest darkest secret to all of Konoha High all in one day, un."

"Well, anyone who did all of that would be fucking screwed," Hidan said. "But luckily you're not anyone. You have us." "That's right," Sasori said. "We'll help you fix this."

"Thanks, un," Deidara said. "You guys are the best!" "No prob," Hidan said. "Now we need to formulate a plan." "Let's start with fixing everything first," Sasori said. "Then we'll help you win his love. I say we start with buying him a new mirror, yogurt, nail polish, and Metro Station cd."

"Then we should find the damned cat and fix things with Kisame," Hidan said. "Finally we'll deal with Sasuke and Konoha." "Easier said then done, un," Deidara said. "I don't have a job."

" Well you'll have to get one if you want to save your nonexistent romance with Itachi," Hidan said."Can you guys get a job with me?" Deidara asked. "The only jobs I've ever kept were as a stripper and as a drug dealer." "Then we have a lot of work ahead of us," Sasori said.

**A/N: So what do you guys think? I'm gonna continue writing this whether you guys like it or not. Sorry I haven't been updating in a while. My mom refused to pay the internet bill until I clean the house.**


	2. First Day On The Job

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 2 First Day On The Job

"Okay," Sasori said. "So we need 170 to replace everything. Got any job leads?" "A few," Hidan said. "But it would be somewhere between a year or two for us to have that kind of cash."

"Then we'll just have to get multiple jobs, un!" Deidara exclaimed. "That's not such a bad idea," Sasori said. "Anyone got any ideas?" "I was thinking fucking Burger King!"

"You only want that job so you can drink out of the slushie machine, un," Deidara said. "How about the pet shop!"

"Which one dumb shit!" Hidan said. "That one!" Deidara said pointing to a random advertisement. "So we're getting jobs at Burger King, Michael's, and Little Pet Shop Of Horrors," Sasori said. "And Barnes and Noble!" Deidara said.

"So that's all?" Sasori asked. "Fuck yeah!" Hidan said. "I have a life you know!" "Yeah at a strip club," Sasori said. "Anyways lets go hand in our job applications."

- - - -

"My first day at a real job!" Deidara exclaimed."I'm so excited, un!" "I still don't understand how they're still in business with the name Little Pet Shop Of Horrors," Hidan said. "Deidara I was wondering," Sasori said. "Why did you pick this place? You hate animals."

"Easy, un," Deidara said. "I overheard Itachi talking about it once. I think he shops here, un." "Wait a fucking minute!" Hidan said. "Doesn't he hate you for losing his damn cat?"

"Oh shit, un," Deidara said. "Speak of the devil," Sasori said looking towards the door.

"Seriously Itachi you have to calm down," Kisame said as they entered the shop. "It was an accident." "Just like how you accidently dropped your pants for him!!" Itachi said."Even if he is a total whore," Kakuzu said. " He's got a point. You need to get over it. We're here to get a snake so can we just forget about Sharingan."

"You're right," Itachi said. "It's just that he ruined my life and it only took one day!" "Good afternoon sir," Sasori said while Deidara hid behind the counter. "Do you need help with anything?" "No thanks," ITachi said. "I shop here all the time. I didn't know Peter was hiring."

"He wasn't but after some begging from fucking De-Ow!" Hidan said as Deidara bit his leg. "Quit it you damn whore!" "Okay then," Kisame said rushing his two friends towards the snakes section. "Itachi I think we better go find what snake you want."

"You guys go ahead," Kakuzu said. "I'll catch up." They shrugged and as soon as the two boys were out of hearing rang Kakuzu spoke. "Deidara's hiding behind the counter isn't he," Kakuzu said. "How did you know, un?" Deidara asked jumping up from behind the counter.

"It's kinda obvious," Kakuzu said. "But don't worry, Kisame's an idiot and Itachi doesn't pay attention to anything unless he cares. Since they won't be bothering us answer me this, or you pure evil or a total idiot?"

"He's an idiot," Sasori and Hidan said simultaneously. "Hey!" Deidara said. "Thought so," Kakuzu said. "You don't deem like the type to ruin someone's life on purpose." "WHAT HAVE I DONE, UN?!" Deidara cried.

- - - -

"Damn that blonde," Kisame said. "I'm gonna go deaf because of him." "I bet you didn't mind his voice when he was crying out your name," Itachi said looking at a gardener snake.

"Look I said I was sorry," Kisame said. "We were drunk it was an accident. What more do you want?" "I don't know," Itachi said. "You knew I liked him! But we all know how you get when you're drunk. Last time you tried to have a three way with me and Kakuzu."

"That is one memory I'd rather forget," Kisame said. "Seriously though, can you ever forgive me?" "Well you have been my best friend since we were 5 so yeah," Itachi said. "I forgive you." "Thanks buddy," Kisame said. "I'm just shocked. I was so sure he had a thing for you."

- - - -

"We need to go find that cat!" Deidara said. "Hold it Dei Dei!" Sasori said. "We can't leave we have to work so we can replace the things you broke." "Fine, un," Deidara said. "But only because I love him."

"Wait a minute!" Kakuzu said. "Don't you like Kisame?" "Now way, un!" Deidara exclaimed. "I was drunk!" "You guys remember the last time you got drunk?" Hidan said. "Yeah," Sasori said. "You got him to wear a dress and give you a lap dance."

"It was fucking awesome!" Hidan cried. "So Kakuzu," Deidara said quickly changing the subject. "Do you have any ideas on where the cat might be, un?" "Try the park," Kakuzu said. "Sometimes when he runs away he goes there. Also the cat's name is Sharingan."

"Thanks," Hidan said. "That'll make our job a lot fucking easier." "You're welcome," Kakuzu said. "Kakuzu, guess what!" Kisame said running up to them. "Itachi didn't get another snake. He got a baby bird instead!"

"Hi Deidara you fuck face," Itachi said as he walked to the cash register. "How did you know I was there, un?" Deidara said jumping up from behind the counter. "I saw you coming in," Itachi said. "Also you're really bad at hiding." "Oh," Deidara said. "I wonder why Ino can never find me then."

"Deidara, your half sister really doesn't care," Sasori said. "Anyways that's 50.00 for everything." "Thanks," Itachi said. "Omg!" Deidara said finally looking at the bird. "I found it! I found Katsu's twin!" "What are you talking about?" Kisame asked. "Two years ago Deidara bought a bird," Sasori said. "It had a twin sister but he could only afford one. But when he finally got the money for another bird he found out it was sold to another pet shop. He's been looking for it ever since."

"How does he know it's the same bird?" Kakuzu asked. "We call Deidara the bird whisperer," Hidan said. "To him birds are as different as people. He actually talks to them. It's kinda creepy." "Too bad about the bird thing," Itachi said. "Cause she's mine. Come on everyone lets go."

**A/N: I wrote tons while the internet was down. (Cause I had nothing else to do.) Expect a story overload cause I got nothing else to do but update.**

**Thanx: Thanx Shimaki-33 for reviewing and adding this story to your Favorite Stories List. Thanx Hikari for adding this story to your Story Alert List and Favorite Stories List. Thanx back55widow for reviewing.**


	3. Dancing Queen

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 3 Dancing Queen

"I can't believe you got us fired from Burger King," Sasori said. "How was I supposed to know that he was the fucking store owner?" Hidan said. "You shouldn't have been drinking out of the slushie machine in the first place, un," Deidara said. "And then cursing him out didn't help in the least bit."

"We'll now what?" Hidan said. "We have no job and only half the money we need." "Well, maybe if Deidara didn't have the urge for coffee then we'd still have our job at Barnes and Noble," Sasori said. "And if Sasori didn't smell like a chew toy, un, then maybe we'd have our job at Little Pet Shop Of Horrors," Deidara said.

"And if we didn't knock down that entire fucking aisle at Michael's then we'd have our damn job there," Hidan said. "But we since all happened now what?" "I could always ask my old employer for a job, un," Deidara said.

"Dei Dei," Hidan said nervously. "Who's your old employer?" "Gigi," Deidara said. "Do you mean Gigi from 'Gigi's Prostitute Palace'?" Sasori asked. "Yup!" Deidara said. "No fucking way!" Hidan screamed. "I'm not gonna be some fucking tramp!" "But the pay is great, un!" Deidara said. "Ino makes tons!"

"She can't keep a job either, can she?" Sasori said. "No she can't," Deidara said. "But it's also a lot of fun!" "No!" Hidan said. "How about we go to the park and talk things out there," Sasori said. "You can terrorize the little kids." "Fine," Hidan said. "Let's go."

- - - - -

"I'll never understand his fascination with the screams of children, un," Deidara said. "I think it's cause he's a nut job," Sasori said. "It's gonna be a while before a parents stops him so I think we should work on the rest of our diabolical plan." "Since when did this become diabolical, un?" Deidara asked.

"Pay attention!" Sasori said. "Any who, do you any idea on how to make money BESIDES stripping at a club." "Drug dealing?" Deidara asked. "Try again," Sasori said irritated. "Oh I know, un!" Deidara cried taking out his iPod and portable iPod speakers.

"Let's do this!!" he cried and pressed play. Then CaramellDansen started to play and Deidara started to dance. Soon a crowd started to form as the song got close to the first chorus. "Come on guys," Deidara cried. "Join in un!" And then there were three.

- - - - -

"I wonder what that crowd is about," Itachi said. "Only one way to find out," Itachi said. "I have a bad feeling about this," Zetsu said. "Me too," Kakuzu said. When they got to the front of the crowd, what they saw changed their lives forever.

"Oh," said Kisame. "My," said Kakuzu. "Fucking," said Zetsu. "God," said Itachi. "What the hell are they doing?" Zetsu asked. "I think they're dancing for money," Kisame said. "Well it sure is working," Kakuzu said. "Someone just threw them a ten. Not including all of the change." "Hey Itachi," Zetsu said. "What song is playing now?" "Boom Boom Boom Boom by Vengaboys," Itachi said. "This is gonna get good." So they decided to stay and watch as the trio shook their money makers.

- - - - -

"I got a great idea, un!" Deidara said. "How about we sing the next song!" "Wicked!" Sasori said. "But what's the next song?""Shake It by Metro Station," Deidara said. "Well ain't that fucking ironic," Hidan said. "Let's do it!"

- - - - -

"Hey Itachi they're singing your favorite song," Zetsu said. "I wouldn't mention that if I were you," Kakuzu said. "Deidara broke his Metro Station cd." "How ironic," Kisame said. "I wonder where they learned to dance like that?"

"Well they are all foreigners," Kakuzu said. "You see Sasori lived most of life in London, Hidan is from Ireland, and Deidara was born and raised in New York City. It's kinda funny, they all moved here the same year and instantly became friends." "Damn that boy can sing," Itachi said. "I think we better go now," Zetsu said.

"Why?" Itachi asked. "Because I think you're starting to get a little to excited," Zetsu said pointing to the slight bulge in Itachi's pants. "You're right lets go," Itachi dropping a five into Deidara's backpack. And for a brief moment Itachi and Deidara met each others eyes before Itachi turned and walked away.

**A/N: Is it just me or do you guys think Envy (from FMA), Mello (from Death Note), and Deidara could be BFFs? I was thinking about it lately and I thought so. Shake your bon bon!**

**Thanx: Thanks dudes! (To lazy to personally thank people.)**


	4. Lolita Princesses

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 4 Lolita Princesses

"I can't believe he saw me," Deidara squealed. "I can't believe I'm actually getting a fucking job at a fucking strip club," Hidan said. "It's not that bad, un," Deidara said. "He's right," Sasori said. "Now you can spend time with all your little girl friends for free." "You fucking bitch!" Hidan said tackling Sasori.

"Calm down you guys," Deidara said Entering the building. "This is going to be fun, un!" "Besides this is for Deidara's nonexistent romance," Sasori said. "Fine," Hidan said. "But only be cause I get to see the hookers change costumes backstage." "You're such a pervert, un!" "I know," Hidan said with a devilish grin on his face.

"Deidara you're here!" A brunette cried running up to the group. "Gigi!" Deidara cried. "How've you been?" "Excellent ever since I heard you were coming back," Gigi said. "I see you brought friends."

"They want a job too, un!" Deidara said. "More like forced to get one," Hidan grumbled. "Sounds to me like there's a good story behind all of his," Gigi said. "Tell!" "Okay," Deidara said. "It all began like this, un..."

- - - -

"Wow," Gigi said. "Deidara you never cease to amaze me." "So can we have the job, un?" Deidara asked. "Of course!" Gigi said. "Go to the costume room and find Ino. She'll help you get the first timers ready." "Thanks," Deidara said leading Sasori and Hidan towards the costume room.

"How the fuck did she know we were first timers?" Hidan asked. "Instinct," Deidara said, then spotting Ino called her over. "Wow," Ino said. "I didn't expect Hidan to actually come. Anyway what did you have in mind for your performance?" "Something lolita," Deidara said. "Or something with leather, un."

"Definitely lolita," Ino said. "We just got some new dresses in yesterday." "Hold the fuck right there!!" Hidan cried. "Did you just say dresses?!" "Yeah," Ino said. "Cross-dressing is all the rage this year." "She's right, un," Deidara said. "All we need is one night in the perfect dress and we'll have more then enough!" "...what exactly did you have in mind?" Sasori said reluctantly.

- - - -

"OMG!!" Deidara said. "Sasori, you look so cute, un!!"Currently Sasori wore a red and white lolita dress that showed off his legs. He had a big red bow on his head. Deidara wore the same dress only in blue and white. His hair was curled and tied up in a ponytail with a blue ribbon. They both wore white lace up boots that went up to their knees.

"Shut up..." Sasori said in a voice that imitated his cousin Gaara. "But you're so cute!" Ino said. "I'm so glad we went with the red and white dress." "Where's Hidan, un?" Deidara asked. "He's in Mexico," Said a talking sheet that looked a lot like Hidan. "Hidan get out from under the sheet," Sasori said. "If I gotta do this then so do you."

"Fine," Hidan said. "But if word gets out that I fucking did this you guys are so fucking dead." Then he lifted the sheet to reveal himself wearing a white and pink/purple dress that matched his eyes.

His hair was combed out straight and he had a pink/purple bow siting on top of his head. He had the same shoes as Deidara and Sasori. "Perfect!" Deidara said. "Now let's get out there and make some money, un!" "You owe us big time Deidara," Sasori said.

- - - -

"Kisame," Itachi said. "How will a strip club relieve my stress?" "It's hard to be stressed when you got some hot girl showing you her tits." "Knowing Itachi's luck that girl will be Deidara," Zetsu said. "It's weird how he keeps popping up everywhere," Pein said. "First he and his friends started a stampede at Little Pet Shop Of Horrors, then his friend Hidan cursed out the manager at Burger King, then they knocked over a whole isle at Michael's, then Deidara goes berserk at Barnes and Noble, and finally you saw them dancing for money in the park. From what I heard they've been everywhere!"

"Maybe he's stalking you Itachi," Zetsu said. "And he decided to bring his friends along." "Nah," Kakuzu said. "If that were true then they'd be trying to hide from us. From what I can tell they don't even know we're here. But they are up to something." "Can we stop talking about Deidara," Kisame said. "We're here so Itachi can forget about him."

"And now," the announcer said. "We introduce to you a returning favorite with a new twist. Introducing our new act 'Lolita Lullaby'!" As the spotlight shone on the trio one thought came to Itachi's mind. "God fucking hates me," He said.

- - - -

The boys started to roll their hips as the 'Lollipop' by Lil' Wayne began. Walking around the pole seductively, they started to grind against it making sure to show their panties in the process. Their eyes were lust filled to provoke the audience, but each one had they're own twist.

Hidan, watching enough shows to know what to do, looked extremely experienced and addicting. Sasori, being the only virgin of the group, was the perfect image of innocence mixed with curiosity. Where as Deidara looked like fun loving New Yorker who just wanted to have a good time. In other words, they were all intoxicating.

- - - -

"We are so staying for the rave afterwards," Pein said as the song ended. "I should have known," Kisame said. "Deidara used to work here but quite. I should have known he'd come back after he lost his job." "We're leaving," Itachi said as he walked towards the exit.

"Hold on there!" Pein said blocking his way. "You're not gonna make me miss the biggest rave of the year because you can't face the fact theat some boy doesn't like you. This is the only time I can party with hookers ever! And you know that being born and raised in New York City means that I love me hookers. Just ignore him okay. And if that doesn't work get drunk at the bar and forget all about it." "...fine," Itachi said.

- - - -

"Dude this party is fucking awesome!" Hidan said. "It kinda sucks that we had to use some of the money we just made to get in though," Sasori said. "At least we still have enough." "I'm just glad I got to change out of that fucking dress," Hidan said. "Really?" said a voice behind them. "Cause I kinda liked it."

"Kakuzu what are you doing here, un?" Deidara asked. "Kisame though it'd be a good idea if we brought Itachi to a strip club to get his mind off things," Kakuzu said. "But as you can see that plan failed miserably."

"Kisame's here, un?!" Deidara said running off to find Kisame. "Now I can explain what happen between us!" "Mind explaining to us how Kisame's plan failed," Sasori said. "Simple," Kakuzu said. "Deidara is the one making Itachi so stressed.

**A/n: Long chapter! W00t!**

**Thanx: Thanks dudes (and dudetes)! yeah I'm being lazy again.**


	5. Explanations and the Morning After

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 5 Explanations and The Morning After

"You're not getting away this time, un!!" Deidara cried as he tackled Kisame. "What the fuck Deidara!!" Kisame screamed. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" "Everything," Deidara said his eyes going wide. "Deidara," Kisame said. "Are you high?" "Just a little, un," Deidara said. "So shut up so I can explain what happened before I'm completely out of it."

"If you need me I'll be at the bar," Itachi said walking away. "Look Deidara I don't think there is anything you need to explain," Kisame said. "I don't like you that way so just fuck off!" "Good," Deidara said. "Because I don't like you that way either, un."

"But then why did yo-""I was drunk, un," Deidara stated. "And you just happened to be there. Now if you'll excuse me I have some important things I need to attend to." "Hold it!" Kisame said. "Before you go off to get high answer me this. If you weren't there to see me why were at me and Itachi's apartment?"

"Um, well I kinda sorta like him, un," Deidara mumbled, his face heating up. "I knew it!" Kisame said. "I knew you liked him!" "Who told you?!" Deidara cried. "Noone," Kisame said. "It's really obvious. I'm just surprised Itachi and Pein don't see it." "Please don't tell them un!" Deidara begged. "I'm not ready for rejection! Not yet!" "Okay," Kisame said and turned to walk away. "But just so you know you have nothing to fear.

- - - -

"What the fuck is going on?!" Hidan cried. It was the morning after the hooker party and everyone felt like shit. "Stop your screaming and come downstairs!" Sasori called up the stairs. "Oh my god I was so stoned last night," Deidara said as he entered the kitchen. "Obviously," Sasori said. "At one point you thought you were a pony."

"I barely remember a thing, un," Deidara said. "And Hidan is never gonna live this down." "Definitely," Sasori said. "Does anyone care fucking tell me why Kakuzu was in my god damn room with nothing on!!" Hidan screamed as he entered. "You got drunk and had hot man sex with him, un," Deidara said.

"And if I remember correctly you were bottom," Kakuzu said. "Why are you wearing my jeans?" Hidan asked annoyed. "Because you ruined mine," Kakuzu said. "No sex talk during breakfast," Sasori said placing a huge stack waffles on the table. "Does this mean you guys are going out, un?" Deidara asked shoving a waffle in his mouth.

"I dunno," Kakuzu said eating a waffle. "Ask Hidan." "Fuck off," Hidan said pouring hot fudge all over his ice cream covered waffle. "You didn't answer his question," Kakuzu said. "Are we?" "We may be we may not," Hidan said. "You have to prove that you're worthy of my awesomeness."

"Is 7.50 enough?" Kakuzu asked sarcastically. "As if bitch!" Hidan said. "To prove you are worthy of me we will have hot sex until we can barely stand." "Fine with me," Kakuzu said. "I gotta make a call first though." "Phone's upstairs in Deidara's room," Sasori said. "Thanks," Kakuzu said. "I'll be right back." "Wanna listen into his conversation?" Deidara said when he was out of hearing rang. "Why not," Hidan said.

- - - -

"Itachi I'm pregnant with your demon seed," Kakuzu said into the phone. "Why must you always say that when you call me?" Itachi asked. "Anyways, where are you?" "Hidan's place," Kakuzu said. "Did you know he lives with Deidara and Sasori?" "Woah that's so weird!" Kisame said.

"Dude you and Itachi live together." Kakuzu said. "And tell me next time I'm on speaker phone!" "Whatever," Itachi said. "So what time are you gonna be here?" "Tell everyone that something came up," Kakuzu said. "Dude this is a once in lifetime opportunity!" Zetsu cried. "Animania is the biggest con in the universe! You have to come!"

"As I said before something came up," Kakuzu said. "Well put on some pants and get your sorry ass over here!!" Pein said. "By the way, what does Deidara's room look like?" "It looks like a Japanese rainbow threw up in here," Kakuzu said. "What's that supposed to mean, un?!" Deidara cried.

"Damn it Dei Dei!!" Hidan cried. "What the fuck have I told you about saying stuff when we're listening into people's fucking conversations!!" "You sure do like 'em crazy Kakuzu," Pein said. "Fuck off bitch!" Hidan said. "Anyways," Sasori said. "We got our own tickets to the con a month ago so if you guys want we could meet up there." "Sure why not," Kisame said. "See you there!"

- - - -

"Hurry up Deidara!" Sasori cried up the stairs. "We're gonna be late!" "Coming, un," Deidara said as he hopped into the car. "Drive!" Sasori yelled as Hidan sped off. "I see you went with Hikaru and Kaoru from Ouran High School Host Club, un" Deidara said to Sasori and his cousin Gaara. "Nice choice!"

"Thanks," Gaara said. "What are you supposed to be?" "Vincent from the manga Vampire Doll," Deidara said. "Isn't cosplaying so much fun, un!" Deidara said. "Hellz yeah!" Hidan cried as he almost cause a car crash while parking. "We're here!" "I'm so excited un!" Deidara said jumping out of the car.

**A/N: If there really is a con called Animania please let me know. But I probably won't fix it cause I'm lazy. Also the characters I mentioned are real also the manga/anime.**

**Thnx: Thanks for reading! Since I started posting on Deviantart and I've been getting so many reviews and stuff I don't know what to do with them! So instead I'll say thanks for reading and put trivia if you guys want. But I hope you do cause I think it will be a lot of fun!**


	6. Cons, Couples, and A Crisis

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 6 Cons, Couples, and A Crisis

"Damn it Itachi stop trying to kill me!!" Kisame said as he dodged oncoming traffic. "Why should I?" Itachi said. "You declared war not me." "This is insane!" Kisame said. "All I did was agree that Hidan and his friends could hang out with us at the con," Kisame said. "It's not my fault that Deidara just happens to be one of them."

"He's right Itachi," Kakuzu said. "Besides funerals are too expensive." "Of course you'd say that," Itachi said. "He's you're boyfriend!" "Not officially," Kakuzu said glaring at the ground. "What do you mean?" Zetsu asked as they entered the building. "This morning Deidara asked if we were going out and he said maybe," Kakuzu said angrily.

"That sucks," Pein said. "Look here they are now!" "Hey guys," Deidara said running up to the group. "Nice costumes," Pein said. "Who are you suppose to be, Hidan?" Kakuzu asked. "Guilt-na-Zan from Vampire Doll, duh!" Hidan said. "Don't you read quality manga?"

"Yes," Kakuzu said. "I read Bleach." "Why don't you just watch the anime?" Sasori asked. "I watch the anime and read the manga," Kakuzu said. "Um guys," Deidara said. "This is fun and all but I feel like an idiot standing in the middle of the street just waiting to be hit by a car, un."

"He's got a point," Pein said. "Come on let's go in!" And that began a funderful day of anime, cosplaying, and pocky. That is until Deidara spotted someone.

- - - -

"Omg Sasori I just saw Sasuke!" Deidara whispered urgently. "What do I do un?!" "Don't worry I have a plan," Sasori said. "What fucking plan?" Hidan asked loud enough for Kakuzu, Pain, Kisame, Zetsu, and Itachi to hear. "Hidan," Sasori said. "You're going to bed with out supper tonight."

"God damn it!" Hidan said. "Just because Hidan says something he shouldn't doesn't mean you have the right to kill him," Kakuzu said angrily. "Relax he's not gonna die, un," Deidara said. "He once went a month without food. It's like he's immortal, un." "Now that we got that out of the way what plan were you talking about?" Pein asked.

"Oh look it's Sasuke, un!" Deidara said desperately trying to change the subject. "Smooth Deidara," Kisame said. "It's okay Kisame," Itachi said. "He didn't mean anything by it." "I fucking get it," Hidan said. "Why do you two fucking hate each other so much?" "I don't hate him," Itachi said. "I love him. I miss him."

"Hey Itachi," Zetsu said. "I heard there is a sale on dango near the artist alley. How about you and Kisame go check it out." "Come on Itachi my treat," Kisame said dragging said boy towards the dango stand. "So what happened between those two anyways, un?" Deidara asked when Itachi was out of hearing.

"It's really complicated," Zetsu said. "You see when they were younger they were super close. Then one day Itachi and his parents got into a huge fight and he killed them." "You she Itachi suffers from schizophrenia," Kakuzu said. "Though he's fine as long as he takes his medication. But that day he forgot so things got out of hand. Sasuke never forgave his brother for what he did." "That's horrible, un!" Deidara said. "Having to live everyday knowing that you killed your parents and having your brother hate you."

"Wait a fucking minute!" Hidan said. "If Itachi has this disease then why does Sasuke hate him?" "Because Sasuke was never told," Pein said. "There parents were waiting til he was older. But they died without ever getting the chance to tell him." "Woah," Hidan said.

"Hey Deidara," Sasori said. "Wasn't there something you wanted to show me over there?" "Oh yeah," Deidara said suspiciously. "We'll see you guys later." "They're up to something aren't they," Kakuzu said after the pair ran off. "Just let them go," Pein said. "I mean how much worse can they make things?" After a moment of thinking they broke into a run to go find Itachi so they could chase after the duo.

- - - -

"There he is!" Deidara said pointing to Sasuke once they escaped the group. "I hope you have a plan, un." "Don't worry," Sasori said. "And it's fool proof. All I need you to do is talk to him and try to explain what really happened." "Okay," Deidara said running toward Sasuke. "Hey Sasuke, un!"

"Well look who it is," Sasuke said. "What do you want?" "I want to help you and Itachi patch things up," Deidara said. "Forget it!!" Sasuke cried. "There is no way I'll patch things up with that murderer!!" "But you don't understand!" Deidara said. "He has a disease, un!" "Bullshit!!" Sasuke said. "I bet you're just trying to get me to trust him so he can kill me too!!" "He's not lying," Sasori said taking out a tape recorder. "Just listen to this."

- - - -

"Damn it where could they be!" Kisame said panicked. "I swear Kisame I'm pushing you three in front of a bus when we find them," Itachi said. "I didn't know this would happened!" "Why are you guys fucking stressing?" Hidan asked. "Just have some faith."

"Hey guys what did I miss, un?" Deidara said running up to the group. "Nothing 'cept Itachi's gonna push you in front of a bus," Hidan said. "Well that sounds like tons of fun," Sasori said sarcastically. "Itachi..." Sasuke said sneaking up behind his brother. "I'm sorry." "WHAT?!"

**A/n: Sorry I haven't wrote anything in a while. I've had no inspiration. But today I got some while avoiding to write a report on Marie Antoinette. I hate reports.**

**Trivia!: Did you know there is such a thing called a fear of chickens? It's called Alektorophobia. Weird.**


	7. High School Dropout? Hidan Wishes!

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 7 High School Drop Out? (Hidan Wishes!)

"I'm so glad everything worked out in the end, un," Deidara said. "And the fact that Sasuke and Gaara were friends was just perfect!" "Now all we fucking have to do is find the damned cat and somehow fix things with fucking Konoha High," Hidan said. "And help Deidara win Itachi's love," Sasori said.

"Yeah that too," Hidan said. "Hey Deidara why don't you go fucking turn on the damn stereo." "Okay, un!" Deidara said and ran to choose a song. "It's fucking killing you inside isn't it," Hidan said once Deidara was out of hearing. "What are you talking about?" Sasori said. "Don't play retarded with me boy!" Hidan said. "You fucking like Deidara and it's killing you to help him win over Itachi."

"Shh he'll hear you!!" Sasori said. "Look I'm just trying to say that if you need someone to talk to I'm fucking here for you," Hidan said. "I don't care if he likes me or not," Sasori said. "As long as he's happy then I'm happy." "Bullshit," Hidan said. "Everyone in the history of forever who has fucking said that was either miserable for the rest of their lives of killed themselves!"

"I just really don't care anymore," Sasori said. "That's it, time to de-emofy you!!" Hidan said. "I'm gonna get you fucking laid!!" "Yes because having sex with someone I know I can never be with will make me feel a hell of a lot better," Sasori said sarcastically. "Not Deidara," Hidan said. "Me!" "What?!" Pounce!

- - - -

"I can't believe that actually worked!" Sasori said. "You see the problem was your virginity was growing back," Hidan said all knowingly. "I could tell because you started talking like a depressed emo boy who doesn't get any." "Hey!" Deidara said. "Emo boys are cool!"

"Anyways next time you decided to screw me like a mad man can we not do it in the middle of the living room in front of Deidara," Sasori said. "But then it wouldn't have turned into a gang bang ," Hidan said. "What's this I hear about a gang bang?" Kakuzu said as he approached the group with Zetsu and Pein.

"Sasori's virginity was growing back so we all had a gang bang to prevent it, un!" Deidara said smiling. "Why weren't we called?" Pein asked. "Well it was more of a spur of the moment sort of thing," Hidan said. "Anyways we need your fucking help." "With what?" Zetsu asked.

"We have almost completed 'Operation: ItaDei'," Sasori said. "All we have left to do is Save Itachi's reputation at Konoha High, find a cat and help Deidara win Itachi's love." "Well school is starting soon so how about he get into a fight with some one there," Pein said. "He has to win though."

"Great idea, un!" Deidara cried. "How many days are there 'til school starts anyways?" Sasori asked. "About a four days," Zetsu said. "ADMT Time!!" Hidan, Sasori, and Deidara cried and sped off. "I swear they were dropped on their head when they were young," Kakuzu said.

"And just think you're dating one of them," Pein said with a smirk on his face. "I wish," Kakuzu said. "You mean he still hasn't said you two are going out?" Pein said. "Nope," Kakuzu said. "And the worst part is that he keeps avoiding the subject. "Man that sucks," Zetsu said. "Maybe you'll have better luck when the school year begins." "I hope so," Kakuzu said.

- - - -

"YEAH, TODAY'S THE FIRST DAY OF SOPHOMORE!!" Deidara cried pumping his fist in the air. "Why are you so fucking excited?" Hidan asked "School fucking sucks." "He's just happy that we have all the same classes." "All 'cept Study Hall cause Hidan needs help in math, un," Deidara said with a smug grin.

"Shut it dick head!!" Hidan cried. "Let's just go to home room before you both kill each other," Sasori said. "No problemo!!" Deidara said. "Skip with me to class!!" "Hellz yeah!!" Hidan said. So the three of them skipped carnivorously to class.

- - - -

"Hidan what are you doing here?!" their teacher, Mrs. Yip-yip, cried. "I know I said I was gonna fucking drop out," Hidan said. "But unlike all the other fucking years this time I had 2 ½ shit heads bitching me to stay in school." "How can you have 2 ½ people nagging you to stay in school?" Zetsu asked.

"Simple," Hidan said. "Half the time Deidara is being an annoying asshole and the half of the time he's asking me to bake a fucking cake with my new found free time." "Sit down you three," Mrs. Yip-yip said. "Now, since Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori are all in my class this year I need to go get my medication. There will be a quiet study period while I'm gone. Understand?"

"Yes Mrs. Yip-yip," everyone said. "Good," Mrs Yip-yip said, walking out of the classroom. "Now behave." "So Hidan," a kid named Kakashi said. "I heard you and Kakuzu were getting snuggley this summer." "It wasn't fucking like that," Hidan said blushing. "Sure it wasn't," Kakashi said smugly. "Anyways guess who finally got a new Macbook Pro."

"No fucking way!!" Hidan said. "Way," Kakashi said. "Now I'll be able to make the site even better then ever!" "What site?" Kisame asked. "Why only the biggest gossip and illegal substances shop in all of Konoha!" Kakashi said proudly. "It's www. kittensoncrack .com" "Dude we're gonna make a fucking fortune this year!" Hidan said high-fiving Kakashi.

"If you guys have a way of making money then why did you get summer jobs?" Kisame asked. "Cause Kakashi had to temporarily shut down the site while he waited to get a new computer," Sasori said. "Speaking of summer," Kakashi said. "I updated the site with everything newsworthy that everyone did. Including video of you guys at work. And I must say you guys look good in dresses."

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!" Hidan cried while trying to strangle Kakashi. "Sorry but it's my job," Kakashi said dashing off. "VENGEANCE SHALL FUCKING BE MINE!!" Hidan cried. "EVENTUALLY!!"

**A/N: It's kinda ironic that in the story school just started cause I only have one full day of school left. Then all I have is finals and I'm done with middle school! I can't wait for high school!! I'm so excited!! Also I made up that site so please don't try and find it cause who knows what'll come up. Thanks for reading!**

**Trivia!: In leafy sea dragon world the daddy gets prego. No joke!**

**A/N: ADMT Anime Dance Marathon Time**


	8. A Little KakuHida

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 8 A Little KakuHida

"Dude just say yes," Sasori said at lunch. "Fuck no," Hidan said. "But he really likes you, un," Deidara said. "No," Hidan said. "But you two would make suck a cute couple!" Deidara said. "And I heard he's loaded with cash," Sasori said. "Yeah and he refused to spend a fucking penny of it," Hidan said.

"Just give the guys a chance," Sasori said. "One date isn't gonna kill you." "Maybe it will," Hidan said. "I think he's just nervous, un," Deidara said. "Fuck off!" Hidan said. "Well then why won't you go out with him?" Deidara asked. "Because," Hidan said. "Isn't it obvious," Konan said approaching the trio. "Hidan has commitment issues."

"I fucking do not!" Hidan said. "Name one serious relationship you've been in," Konan said. "Just because I don't date doesn't mean I have fucking commitment issues," Hidan said. "It just means that I'm heartless." "Oh please!" Konan said. "I see how you look at him. You're totally heals over head for that boy."

"She's right Hidan," Sasori said. "Just ask him out already." "Come on, un!" Deidara said. "Fine!" Hidan said. "I'll go one ONE date with the bastard. Happy now?" "Very," Konan said. "Toodles!" "I really hate that damn girl," Hidan said. "You're just mad because she made you ask Kakuzu out," Sasori said. "Now go ask him!" "Fine fine," Hidan said walking over to Kakuzu's table.

- - milk - -

"Hey Kakuzu look who's coming over," Itachi said spotting Hidan. "He probably just wants to borrow a twenty," Kakuzu grumbled. "And you let him?!" Kisame, Zetsu, and Pein said shocked. "Hey fuck face," Hidan said. "I was wondering if you weren't busy then maybe we could maybe catch a movie or something."

"Are you talking to me?" Kakuzu said shocked."No I'm, talking to shark boy over there," Hidan said sarcastically. "I think lava girl is hot." "Why must everyone make that joke?" Kisame asked frustrated. "It's not my fault you look like Jaws," Itachi said. "I wasn't the one who got the tattoos." "They're bad-ass!" Kisame said.

"Hey, shit head shut it!" Hidan said. "Now I fucking forgot what I was fucking going to say." "Well you asked me out and I said yes," Kakuzu said. "7-o-clock, here's my address. Don't be late." "Hellz yeah!!" Hidan cried and then sped off to tell like everybody.

- - - -

"So how did your date go?" Itachi asked the next day. "Don't ask," Kakuzu said. "That bad," Zetsu said. "Are you kidding me?!" Kakuzu said. "First he comes half an hour late saying that he had to do a quick ritual for some god I've never heard of. Then he insists on seeing the most annoying movie ever about a guy who kills for no reason what so ever and the retarded cop who tries to catch him.

I mean the whole movie was just a bunch of murders and the cop missing the most obvious clues. Then he got us kicked out of Pizzaz Pizza for throwing utensils, cursing, threatening our waiter, and using suggestive language with a 13 year old. So we end up eating at iHop where he spent the night cursing out everything and everyone, insulting me, and trying to get in my pants.

Finally he steals a fifty from my messenger bag when I leave to use the bathroom." "So what did you do?" Pein asked. "I stabbed his hand with a fork and left," Kakuzu said. "That has got to be the worst date ever," Kisame said.

- - - -

"So how did it go, un?" Deidara asked. "It was fucking awesome!" Hidan said. "First we went to see that movie I've been waiting all fucking month to fucking see. Then I got us kicked out of Pizzaz Pizza because the fucking waiter was being a fucking prick. So we ended up eating at iHop which was fucking awesome. And I was even able to squeeze in a sacrifice before hand.

All in all it was a fucking blast!!" "So is that why your hand is bandaged up, un?" Deidara asked. "Nah," Hidan said. "Kakuzu fucking stabbed me with a damn fork when he left iHop." "Um Hidan," Sasori said. "Did it ever occur to you that you're fucking insane so what you call a good time others call the worst day in their entire life?"

"Where the fuck did you get that fucking idea?!" Hidan said. "I overheard Kakuzu talking to his friends and he never wants to see you ever again," Sasori said. "But I love him," Hidan said. "But he hates you," Sasori said. "But I love him," Hidan said. "But he hates you," Sasori said. "But I love him," Hidan said.

"But he hates you," Sasori said. "...But I love him," Hidan said. "But you owe me fifty dollars," Kakuzu said. "But I was gonna pay you interest," Hidan said. "Really?" Kakuzu said. "Hellz yeah!" Hidan said. "I just needed to borrow the money to pay for a fucking shipment. I was running short. In fact I have one hundred for you right now."

"Oh," Kakuzu said. "In that case I'm sorry I stabbed you." "Are you fucking kidding me?!" Hidan said. "That was fucking sexy!!" "Anger management and a masochist," Pein said. "The perfect couple!"

**A/N: moooooooo! Thanx for reading!**

**Trivia: Medomalacuphobia is fear of losing an erect penis.**


	9. Planning The Perfect Evening

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 9 Planning The Perfect Evening

"I can't believe everything worked out, un," Deidara said. "The fact that Itachi's fan club was full of yaoi fans was just perfect!" "I can't fucking believe he fucking gets a fucking coming out party," Hidan said. "When my fucking parents found out I was fucking bi they fucking sent me here."

"At least we're invited," Sasori said. "And it's the perfect opportunity for Deidara to win over Itachi." "But how, un?" Deidara asked. "Fucking Pein and Kuzu are fucking finding it out as we speak," Hidan said. "You guys are the best friends ever!" Deidara said huggling the two.

- - - -

"So Itachi," Pein said. "What would it take to win your heart?" "Sorry Pein not interested," Itachi said flipping through a magazine. "It's not for me stupid!" Pein said. "I was just trying to start up a conversation."

"Well do you mind picking something less weird," Itachi said. "Quite avoiding the subject and answer the damn question," Kakuzu said. "We don't have all day." "I dunno," Itachi said absentmindedly. "Sing me a song a guess." "Thanks bye!" Pein said running off. "Weirdos."

- - - -

"Fabulous, un!" Deidara said. "I just love singing!" "Now all we have to do is pick a song for Deidara to sing and get permission for him to perform at Itachi's coming out party," Sasori said. "Permission granted!" the Yaoi Fan Club Of Konoha High said popping out of nowhere."

"Thanks, un," Deidara said. "No problem," Thefan club said dashing off. "Well that was surprisingly easy," Pein said. "Now all we have to fucking do is decide what fucking song Deidara is going to fucking sing," Hidan said. "I got it!" Deidara cried. "Hidan, Sasori, come with me, un! Kakuzu, Pein, can you guys get all the technical stuff ready?"

"I don't know shit about lighting," Pein said. "But I know someone who does!" "Perfect!" Deidara said. "Now lets hurry! We only have a week to prepare, un!" And so they worked and worked and worked until everything was perfect. And that just happened to be the night before the party.

- - - -

"I can't believe tomorrow is the party!" Deidara said. "I'm starting to get a little nervous, un." "Don't worry," Sasori said. "Everything is going to go great." "Yeah," Hidan said. "Soon you and Itachi will be fucking like rabbits!" "Hidan!" Deidara said blushing. "Well it's true," Hidan said.

"Hidan lay off he's nervous," Sasori said. "Now you just go upstairs and take a bubble bath and relax." "That does sound nice, un," Deidara said. "Good night guys! See you in the morning!" "Night!" Hidan said. "Now, quit being so fucking selfless and tell me and tell me what's wrong, Sasori!"

"There's nothing wrong," Sasori said. "Don't give me that shit!" Hidan said. "You and I both know there's something fucking wrong so spill!" "Alright," Sasori said. "I guess I'm just a bit sad that Deidara chose Itachi over me," Sasori said. "Well that's because he's dense shit head!" Hidan said. "You and I both know that if you told him how you felt he may never have fallen in love with Itachi."

"I tried to!" Sasori said. "I was just afraid of losing him as a friend." "It doesn't fucking matter now," Hidan said. "In the morning we're all going to Itachi's coming out party where Deidara will sing the song and him and confess his love. You gotta move on Sasori. There's someone out there for you even if it isn't Deidara." "You're right," Sasori said. "I just wish it was."

**A/N: w00t! One more chappy to go until it's over! But that doesn't mean I'm not going to write a sequel. I have ideas flowing in my mind as we speak so expect more craziness after the break! (Lol I said like this was a tv show.) Also the Yaoi Fan Club Of Konoha High will now be know as YFCOKH for short.**

**Trivia!: Scopophobia, fear if being seen or stared at. It's people like this that I just love to stare at without blinking and an emotionless expression.**


	10. Introducing ItaDei

Nobody's Perfect

Chapter 10 Introducing ItaDei

"Um guys," Deidara said nervously. I don't think I can do this, un." "Relax Dei Dei," Hidan said. "You can fucking do this. I fucking believe in you." "You know if it wasn't for all the cursing then this could be part of a Disney Channel movie," Sasori said. "You're right, un!" Deidara said. "There is no way this is gonna be a Disney Channel movie! I'm not that lame."

"Dude you're singing a fucking Hannah Montana song," Hidan said. "I'm surprised Disney hasn't fucking sponsored us yet." "Five minutes til shoe time," Ino said. "Thanks, un," Deidara said. "Alright time to go!" "Wait!" Hinata, head of the sowing club said.

"W-when you perform c-can you p-please wear this. I-it's a rainbow tank with a s-smiling cloud, r-ripped jeans with rainbows on them, and a r-rainbow bandana." "Awesome!" Deidara said. "I love rainbows, un! Somebody stall I gotta change!" "Places everyone!" Ino said. "As soon as Deidara comes back the show's gonna begin!"

- - - -

"Awesome party Itachi!" Kisame said. "Yeah whatever," Itachi said. "Dude don't worry they're gonna come," Kisame said. "They wouldn't miss this for the world!" "And now for our surprise performance by the one and only Deidara!" The leader of YFCOKH said. "What?!" Kisame and Itachi said as the curtains opened to a spotlight shining on Deidara with his back turned. "This is gonna be good," Pein said.

- - - -

_Everybody make mistakes. Everybody has those days. 1, 2, 3, 4! _

_Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Everybody knows what, what I'm talking about. Everybody gets that way. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Everybody knows what, what I'm talking about. Everybody gets that way._

_Sometimes I'm in a jam. I gotta make a plan. It might be crazy. I do it anyways. No way to know for sure. I'll figure out a cure. I'm patchin' up the holes, but then it overflows. If I'm not doing too well why be so hard on myself?_

_Nobody's perfect! I gotta work it! Again and again til I get it right. Nobody's perfect you live and you learn it. And if I mess it up some times, nobody's perfect._

_Sometimes I work a scheme but then it flips on me. Doesn't turn out how I planned. Get's stuck in quicksand. No problem can't be solved once I get involved. I try to be delicate but then crash right into it. My intentions are good yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes just misunderstood._

_Nobody's perfect I gotta work it again and again til I get it right. Nobody's perfect you live and you learn it. And if I mess it up some times, nobody's perfect. I gotta work it! I know in time I'll find a way. Nobody's perfect. Sometimes I fix things up and they fall apart again. Nobody's perfect._

_I might mix things up but I always get it right in the end. You know I do!_

_Next time you feel like... it's just one of those days... when you just can't seem to win. If things don't turn out the way you figure something else out. Don't stay down try again. Yeah!_

_Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Everybody knows what, what I'm talking about. Everybody gets that way. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Everybody knows what, what I'm talking about. Everybody gets that way._

_Nobody's perfect! I gotta work it! Again and again til I get it right. Nobody's perfect you live and you learn it. And if I mess it up some times, nobody's perfect. I gotta work it! I know in time I'll find a way. Nobody's perfect you live and you learn it. Cause everybody makes mistakes. Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect. No no! Nobody's perfect._

- - - -

Cheers where heard from everyone one as the song ended. And as soon as the crowed calmed down Deidara spoke. "I'd like to end the show saying this, un," Deidara said. "Itachi, I'm sorry for all the stupid stuff I did earlier. I didn't mean to brake your mirror, helped Sasuke in his plan to kill your, lose your cat, fuck Kisame, ate your strawberry yogurt,

use up the rest of your favorite nail polish, brake your Metro Station cd, and reveal your deepest darkest secret to all of Konoha High all in one day. You know what they say, nobody's perfect. And I did fix everything. Well, almost everything, un. I still can't find your cat."

"Wait!" Sasuke cried running through the door all cut up with a black cat. "I found him! It nearly me trying to get him but I found him!" "Sharingan!" Itachi hugging the cat. "I missed you so much!" "As I was saying," Deidara said. "I know I screwed up and I'm sorry, un. Now if you could forgive me I'd like to asked you this. Itachi, will you go out with me, un?"

Itachi stood dumbstruck as people cheered all a round him. "I'll take as a no," Deidara said dejectedly when Itachi didn't say anything. "Wait!" Itachi cried leaping up on to the stage. "Yes, Deidara I'll go out with you." "You mean it, un?" Deidara said. "Yes Deidara," Itachi said. "I mean it." shouts of joy were heard as the new couple made out on stage.

"Before we go I'd like to thank all my friends for helping me," Deidara said. "Without them I wouldn't be here today making out with Itachi, un. So thanx everybody!" "Hey Itachi," Sasuke shouted over the noise of the crowd. "I just got a call from our cousin Tobi. He's moving to Konoha." "What?!" Itachi cried.

**A/n: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! It's over!! But that just means now I'm gonna start on the sequel. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy!! And incase you little cherubs are wonder it's gonna be called 'She Bangs'. ROFLOL!**

**Trivia!: Ithyphallophobia is fear of seeing thinking about of having an erect penis.**


End file.
